just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
