I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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