Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
