Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
