I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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