i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
