I think I just saw someone hide a body.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
