note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
