apparently the secret to your success is patron
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
