he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
