i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
