Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
