Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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