I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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