You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
