is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
