I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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