Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
