I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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