Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
