Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
