Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
