Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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