I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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