She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
