I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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