No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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