It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
