this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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