haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
