I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
