Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
