they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
