So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
