her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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