Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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