I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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