Whod you bang
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
