she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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