There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
