Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
