He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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