$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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