Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
