Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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