Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The ass gains better be worth it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
