I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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