that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
