so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
