Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
