He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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